June 17, 2010
Stirred Part 2
Watching my granddaughter, Molly, grow is so incredibly rewarding. She is constantly learning new things. Every day she wakes up so full of life. It’s as if she’s wondering, “What cool things am I going to learn today?” I used to believe that kids learn new things until they become adults. Then you are are “just a grownup” for the rest of your life. This was around the same time that I thought grownups could do whatever they wanted. I don’t know about all adults, but it sure hasn’t turned out to be true for me. Each stirring is another opportunity to learn.
When I feel stirred, it feels like a small voice saying, “Pay attention. Something cool is going on.” It is an opportunity to see something new that I never saw before, or something old in a new way… hearing a new sound… smelling a new smell (what did I have for lunch?). For me, being stirred is learning. My artist/neighbor/friend says, “To truly live and grow is to always be open to being stirred/ stimulated/ moved, isn’t it?” What does stirring mean for you?
Reading for stirring
When I was younger, I read mostly for information. I was (and am) a learner. The rule makers I was trying to please said, “Learn the rules and obey them and you will be okay.” So I studied and listened in order to learn the rules of life. The better I learned the rules, the better I could recite them and the more I felt like I fit in. Unfortunately, with my head down, learning and applying the rules, I didn’t see that I was following a map through life that was written by others who were as clueless as I was. They saw what they saw and no more. Lately I have found myself understanding that most rules are someone else’s ideas about how life works. They remind me of the ancient maps of the world drawn by people who had a very limited perspective. Yes, they were invaluable in their day, but really… are you kidding me. This is North America?
Lately I find that I am reading less for learning and more for stirring. I want to learn, but to get more perspective, not the right answer. Don’t get me wrong, I do read to learn, but the ideas the author is trying to convey are less important to me than what her words stir in me. Not because I have all the answers, but because some things I am ready to learn and others… not so much. The stirrings are a clue to what I’m ready for. Some of my recent reads have stirred me to irritation. Even that has value. I was able to ask myself what I believed and what was this author stirring in me. That was way more valuable than reading an author I agreed with completely (if that were possible).
Lately, I find that I enjoy two kinds of books. The first type is books that explain some facet of the way life works in a way that I have never thought of before. Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink and Seth Godin’s Linchpin are two that I particularly enjoyed. I’m reading one now, called Nudge that talks about the kinds of things that influence the thousands of decisions we make every day. Fascinating stuff. Not the whole story, but a new perspective. The other kind of books I find myself gravitating to are biographies. I got stuck on presidential bios for a while and then got out of that rut by reading a biography of Louis Armstrong, Pops.
I am a little surprised that I like biographies so much for two reasons. First because, I like surprises. I don’t want to know what is coming next. With a biography, you already know the ending. For me, knowing that the story is true and experiencing the depth of the whole person is fascinating and stirring. I pick a biography because of what the person did. But when I as I slow down long enough to read the details of his life, he becomes a real person with real difficulties to overcome. The other reason my interest in biographies surprises me is that I’m not a big fan of history. I find facts and dates to be overwhelming and boring. But reading the biography of a historical figure helps me experience history through their eyes. They become much more than their accomplishments. That stirs me, and I like being stirred.
Molly in CharlotteJune 15, 2010
Stirred
“I’m stirred,” I said to Jeanie recently. Not that that is unusual. I frequently say I am stirred. Why? Because I am frequently stirred.
Am I alone? Are you stirred? Do you ever feel a little emotional flip in your belly? It doesn’t have to be a huge thing, just a tiny little flip will do. If so, you too have been stirred.
Stirred [adjective] Being excited or provoked to the expression of an emotion
Imagine a jar of water. The water is clear, but there is sediment on the bottom. The jar is me (or you), the clear water is a lack of emotion. The sediment is the stuff we remember from our past… some of it good some of it bad. It is made up of memories and beliefs attached to the memories that were emotionally embedded. Haven’t you ever been reminiscing about something with a friend and say, “Remember when we…?” and the friend doesn’t know what you are talking about. She has no memory of it whatsoever. Chances are, it was emotionally embedded for you, but not for her.
Our jars get stirred when anything bumps up against our expectations and beliefs. Sometimes we feel that little emotional flip. Sometimes we are paralyzed with anxiety. Our tendency is to ignore the little flips and avoid the big ones until the emotion dies down and it seemingly takes care of itself. Getting stirred can be incredibly uncomfortable and even embarrassing. If we just hold the jar still long enough, the feeling will go away. I think that’s what they mean when they say, “time heals all wounds.” It doesn’t, but the feeling gets smaller over time. It becomes more sediment in the jar to be stirred up later.
The feelings are what embeds the memory and with the memories are embedded beliefs. Some are true, but many are lies. The value in the stirring is that we can feel and in the process examine those beliefs. I won’t tell you that is easy. In fact it is incredibly difficult to examine carefully and to be honest about those beliefs. As far as I know, the only alternatives are to a) ignore the stirring and hope it will go away soon or b) point fingers at other people or circumstances. Neither is worth the pain in the long run.
The thing is, stirring the jar is the only way I know of to un-embed those feelings and beliefs. As uncomfortable as it is, it is valuable. Kind of like removing a splinter. The first time you get a splinter, getting it out with the tweezers hurts like crazy. The second time, just the sight of the tweezers is enough to hurt even worse than it did before. There’s a fear embedded with the memory. The problem is that to leave the splinter is to invite infection. So we feel the fear and let the tweezers do their work anyway. Soon it is all forgotten.
I am afraid of being stirred. Just the same, I want to be stirred. When I feel the flip, I want to keep asking myself what it is about. What do I believe? Is it true?
What about you?
June 14, 2010
I Can’t Do It
A few days ago, I decided to do an experiment in posting to my blog every day for 30 days. By missing yesterday’s post, I answered the question… I can’t do it.
So what? Now what? At this point, I can choose to end the experiment as a failure or examine what went wrong (if anything) and learn a little more about me and what I really want.
My friend, Curtis plays the guitar. He has recently picked it back up in earnest and is writing songs for people as gifts. My birthday present this year was a rewrite of “Yesterday” by the Beatles (lyrics below). There’s no way I can express how much that meant to me. Knowing that he thought enough of me to plan it in advance, to think about what song to do and then writing lyrics that fit me (not to mention knowing me well enough to be able to write for and about me). It was a gift I will always treasure!
I mention Curtis and the guitar because I always wanted to play the guitar. I like to say to say now, “I would give anything to play the guitar… ANYTHING!… except practice.” And it’s true. I could do it. I already understand the music. It’s just another instrument. I just don’t want to do it badly enough to “pay my dues”. Is writing like that? Am I willing to give up what I would need to, in order to finish a book?
Yesterday was filled with wonderful activities with people I love. I wouldn’t have given up any of them. They were all very important to me. On some level, I believe that a good writer writes first and then organizes whatever is left of his life around that. I don’t think I can do that. One of the things I value most in life is variety. I love recording life using photos, videos and words, but I never want to stop “living life” in order to do it.
Maybe I don’t really want to write a book as badly as I think I do. Or maybe writing would be better as a collaborative effort for me. Some of my favorite books were written by teams of writers. For now, I will continue the experiment and wrestle a bit more when I fail again. Molly will be staying with us for a few days starting Tuesday while her mom goes to a Music Therapy conference. Something tells me that there will be life to be lived and written about.
Yesterday to Legacy (RTI–April 18, 2010)
Yesterday
All my time keeping others an arm’s length away
Didn’t think they’d care ’bout what I had to say
Oh I didn’t believe in me Yesterday . . .Suddenly
I’m now twice the man I used to be
Friends in my life celebrating over me . . . it’s a
New legacy—God brought to meNow I clearly see—the Art in me’s for the world to know
I have something to say—want to bring it out more every day so now myLegacy
Love’s not a game I have to play!
It’s just me being who He made me to be
Oh the weight of my presence—that’s my legacy!
Jim in my life—he’s a gift to me!
June 12, 2010
Damages
Tonight, 
Jeanie and I went out to dinner as a belated anniversary celebration. Then we enjoyed a few episodes of Damages. We got the first season on DVD through Netflix. Oh my goodness! This is one of the best shows I have seen in a long time. Glenn Close does an amazing job playing a lawyer named Patty Hewes who is a real bi#$ch! It is so very intense and you don’t know what is coming next. Still not sure who are the good guys or the bad guys. The lyrics to the theme song say, “When I am through with you… there won’t be anything left.” It really fits the show. I can hardly wait for the next DVD. Erin tells me it is online. We might have to watch it that way so we don’t have to wait.
In case you are wondering, this entry counts.
June 11, 2010
Listening is expensive
If talk is cheap, listening is expensive. I love to listen to heartfelt stories especially from people I love. There’s one whose heart I love hearing above all and that is my sweetie. Tonight, she needed to vent about some things and she gently let me know was what was coming. Her setup helped me to listen the way she wanted to be heard.
When we want help, we want the listener to listen for understanding. We want solutions. However, when we want to vent, solutions is exactly what we do not want. We want to be listened to just for understanding. It’s a subtle difference, but it is the difference between the speaker getting what they want or not. If the speaker owns the topic and doesn’t get what they want, the whole experience is frustrating and irritating. When it works though, it is magical. There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when someone focuses on you and truly listens for understanding.
Listening is expensive because it is hard work (hard emotional work) and because it is rare. One last thought. If you want me to listen for understanding, do what Jeanie did. Tell me what you want and, who knows, you might just get it.
Thanks Sweetie. It is an honor to hear your heart.
June 9, 2010
Loud Voices
Negative, critical voices from the past can be so loud! They send hurtful messages. They drown out rational thought and cause us to misunderstand what others mean. They cause us to believe things that are not true. Why do they stick so much more tenaciously than positive messages?
An Experiment
After attending my friend, Chia-Li Chien’s book signing this evening, I was mowing my lawn and thinking. Chia-Li joined our Toastmasters club just a couple of years ago and she has already finished her Advanced Communicator award. Most never get there. A year or so ago, she told me that she was thinking of writing a book and she did it! Tonight was her book signing party. In Linchpin, Seth Godin says, “Real artists ship!” Chia-Li is a real artist.
I have had a dream of writing a book myself for some time now. I have so many other activities in my life that it is hard to take the time to just focus on the writing. I want to say, “yes” to writing, but I don’t want to say, “No” to other interests. Chia-Li’s party renewed that desire.
Stirred to write again and yet having been down this road I was ready to give up before even trying again. As my friend John likes to remind me, it may feel like a familiar place, but it is not the same. With that thought in mind (and before I hit the off switch), I am going to make a commitment. I commit to doing an experiment. For the next 30 days, I will write on this blog once a day. I will “ship” something daily. It may not be polished. It may not even be coherent, but it will be published.
I’m kind of excited to see what I have to say. See you tomorrow, if I don’t blow up the laboratory.
May 7, 2010
Trappic Stop
You know what’s worse than getting a ticket for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign… When there’s a cop sitting around the corner watching and waiting… like a TRAP. Where there’s no other traffic and no danger. Where the driver (that would be me) slowed down almost to a stop, but didn’t “officially” stop. Where the intersection isn’t even an intersection at all, just a 90 degree turn. You know what’s worse than that? Plenty! There’s a lot worse than that. I’m thankful that this all I have to be irritated about… but it’s all I’ve got and I am irritated.
I feel irritated and bothered because I believe the time, energy and money expended on my interaction with this officer and the time and energy yet to be spent in dealing with the paperwork and whatever comes of it is a complete and utter waste. Not to mention the actual cost of the ticket and the likelihood of my insurance rates going up.
I feel angry because I believe I was disrespected by the officer in a couple of ways: His placement on that street looking for a violation of the letter of the law was a trap. If I have violated a law, I am ok with dealing with the consequences of that. Being trapped for making a mistake is not the same thing as being caught. I do not treat people that way and I do not appreciate being treated that way. It’s disrespectful.
The officer asked if I saw the stop sign. I said I did not. I was looking for an address and on the wrong street altogether and this stop sign was in a very odd place. I didn’t see it… but I did come almost to a stop because I was about to turn around. He said in a loud, mocking tone, “You didn’t see that big red stop sign!?” What was I going to say, “Yes, officer. I saw it, but I chose to ignore it”? It was a disrespectful question in a disrespectful voice. You put a trap where you know you will catch people… where they are going to trip up. Clearly the sign is not communicating well if there are enough people missing it to suggest a trap. If I was the only one who didn’t see it, it would have been a really dumb place to put a trap. So why be insulting?
I don’t know whether the officer’s intentions were to be insulting or not. It sure felt disrespectful. Maybe he is just doing what he is told and he hates doing it. I don’t know. I’ll never know.
When I got home, I looked at the ticket. I almost laughed out loud when I read the preamble notice (all CAPS as printed on the ticket)…
THE PRIMARY AIM OF TRAFFIC LAW ENFORCEMENT IS TO REDUCE TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS, INJURIES AND DEATHS THROUGH FAIR, IMPARTIAL, AND REASONABLE ENFORCEMENT OF TRAFFIC LAWS.
Somehow I don’t think anyone was in danger of injury or death from a traffic accident at any time in this intersection. Nor do I believe this was a fair, impartial or reasonable enforcement of traffic laws. It was a trap. Nuff said!
February 23, 2010
This Is It
I just watched movie “This is It“, Michael Jackson’s rehearsals for his intended performance tour. I feel stirred. Here are my rather raw thoughts. (Won’t be much proofreading or editing this time).
I am a music snob. There, I said it. I do not care for much pop music and I probably won’t ever buy any MJ music. It just does not match my musical pallette. That statement says more about me than it does about MJ. I could say his music is bad, but the reality is that it is very good. I just don’t care for it… musically. My opinion.
I once heard an interview with Quincy Jones in which he was praising MJ for his musicianship when they worked together on The Wiz. I have a lot of respect (musically) for Quincy Jones, so his praise for Michael made me sit up and take notice. I also heard a lot of people who saw it in the theater say how much they liked it. I really noticed for myself what an awesome musician MJ really was. He knew what he wanted to hear… exactly and pushed back until he got it.
I noticed that at times, he had trouble explaining in plain language what he wanted. He would describe something in really wacky abstract terms, like the time he said that his ear piece (monitor) felt like someone was putting a fist in his ear. The producer guy had to ask him patiently if there was anything they could do to make it better. Was there something missing in the mix? He replied, “No, just turn it down.” I thought to myself, “Why didn’t you just say that to begin with?” However, I can also relate to having trouble communicating something simple. Sometimes I am so caught up in what I’m doing that I can’t express simple what I want to say until someone patiently asks the right questions to get understanding.
I am reading Pops (a biography of Louis Armstrong) and they called him an entertainer. The “real” musicians didn’t mean it as a compliment. They complained that he was an “Uncle Tom” and too self depricating on stage. What they didn’t understand was that was who he was… an entertainer. It was part of the act. Similarly I think Michael was truly an entertainer and “real” musicians don’t get it. In his own words near the end of the video (to the best of my memory), he told his fellow performers that they (the audience) was coming to escape reality. they want to be taken places they’ve never been before and experience talent that they’ve never experienced before. That’s entertainment. He put on a helluva show!
Michael Jackson was a strange man with some really odd problems. He was born in 1958, the same year I was born. He became famous with the Jackson Five when he was only eight. I can only imagine what that would do to a person. You can’t live the life of a public star and not have any adverse affects. My guess (and it is only a guess) is that a lot of the personal issues MJ had were direcly related to his fame. He wasn’t a normal guy. I also think that his artistry was related to his eccentricity. In my experience, it seems like when someone has a lot of talent in one particular area, they are missing it in most other areas.
Before I started the movie, I posted on Facebook that I was going to watch it. I got some interesting comments. It’s funny how someone like MJ pushes so many buttons even after his death. I like pushing my own boundaries, experiencing new things and doing the unexpected. Most of all I love excellence and I love variety! I’m glad I watched the show. It was excellent.
Thanks Michael.
Jimazing Thoughts 
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