June 14, 2010

I Can’t Do It

Posted in writing at 1:57 am by jimazing

rainbow-jimA few days ago, I decided to do an experiment in posting to my blog every day for 30 days.  By missing yesterday’s post, I answered the question… I can’t do it.

So what?  Now what? At this point, I can choose to end the experiment as a failure or examine what went wrong (if anything) and learn a little more about me and what I really want.

My friend, Curtis plays the guitar.  He has recently picked it back up in earnest and is writing songs for people as gifts.  My birthday present this year was a rewrite of “Yesterday” by the Beatles (lyrics below).  There’s no way I can express how much that meant to me.  Knowing that he thought enough of me to plan it in advance, to think about what song to do and then writing lyrics that fit me (not to mention knowing me well enough to be able to write for and about me).  It was a gift I will always treasure!

I mention Curtis and the guitar because I always wanted to play the guitar.  I like to say to say now, “I would give anything to play the guitar… ANYTHING!… except practice.”  And it’s true.  I could do it.  I already understand the music.  It’s just another instrument.  I just don’t want to do it badly enough to “pay my dues”.  Is writing like that?  Am I willing to give up what I would need to, in order to finish a book?

Yesterday was filled with wonderful activities with people I love.  I wouldn’t have given up any of them.  They were all very important to me.  On some level, I believe that a good writer writes first and then organizes whatever is left of his life around that.  I don’t think I can do that.  One of the things I value most in life is variety.  I love recording life using photos, videos and words, but I never want to stop “living life” in order to do it.

Maybe I don’t really want to write a book as badly as I think I do. Or maybe writing would be better as a collaborative effort for me.  Some of my favorite books were written by teams of writers.   For now, I will continue the experiment and wrestle a bit more when I fail again.  Molly will be staying with us for a few days starting Tuesday while her mom goes to a Music Therapy conference.  Something tells me that there will be life to be lived and written about.

Yesterday to Legacy (RTI–April 18, 2010)

All my time keeping others an arm’s length away
Didn’t think they’d care ’bout what I had to say
Oh I didn’t believe in me Yesterday . . .

I’m now twice the man I used to be
Friends in my life celebrating over me . . . it’s a
New legacy—God brought to me

Now I clearly see—the Art in me’s for the world to know
I have something to say—want to bring it out more every day so now my

Love’s not a game I have to play!
It’s just me being who He made me to be
Oh the weight of my presence—that’s my legacy!
Jim in my life—he’s a gift to me!


  1. John Teeling said,

    From my perspective, there are two responses that we can make from accepting “I can’t”: 1. Throw our hands in the air and give up or 2. Access a power which is greater than us to empower us to only do things in thst Power.

    There are lots and lots of people doing great things with an “I can” power but the “I AM” power is for Yesterday, today and forever. You have great things to say, do and write but most of all you have the Power to your God~given purpose. Write on!

    You have great things to say,

  2. Curtis said,

    Jim–I appreciate your wrestling out loud–it stirs me greatly! And I appreciate that my wrestling with music has stirred you and that you shared that in this post–I am honored in the manner you receive the gift of that song. I am wondering out loud about your wrestling with your art:

    Does not writing every day mean you don’t want to write books–or that you didn’t want to write that day? It’s great that you are OK with fact that you will fail again–and wrestle again. The wrestling is good, Jim–way to go.

    I agree with John about the power-sources we can turn to when we want to ship. So I am wondering what do you feel stirred to ship next in His power? It may be the activities with the people you love–as it was yesterday–and that is part of your story. There is a time for all things–art in connecting–art in writing about that connecting . . . Whatever you decide, Jim, I just want to affirm that you are an Artist!

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