February 15, 2010
Tying My Own Shoes
While boarding my plane on my recent trip to Arizona, I overheard one passenger telling another about a different method for tying shoes. He was just finishing the explanation and telling her how it was much more secure than the regular method. My shoes are constantly coming untied, so I was curious, but the line was moving again and it was too late to ask. I determined to check google for the answer.
Wouldn’t you know there is a site devoted to tying ones shoes; Ian’s Shoelace Site features 17 ways to tie a shoelace. I experimented with each of them evaluating for ease of tying and security until I came to the 
“Two Loop Shoelace Knot”; the “normal” knot that I learned when I was a kid. Thinking that it has never been very secure, I almost moved on and then I caught Ian’s warning: “It’s often tied incorrectly, resulting in an un-balanced ‘Granny Knot’.” As an experiment, I tied my shoes automatically without thinking about how I was doing it and checked the results. No wonder my shoelaces always come untied. I have been tying a “granny knot” my whole life!
So, I didn’t need a fancy new way of tying my shoes, I just needed to tie a square knot instead of a granny knot. I have to think about what I am doing when I tie them now, but now that I am tying them correctly, my shoes have been quite secure for the last couple of weeks. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?
February 6, 2010
A Perspective on Hierarchies
Two seemingly unrelated stories stirred something deep in me… Warning: movie spoiler ahead.
Story 1: I was talking to a friend this morning. Incidentally this friend is a few years younger than I. In the near future, we will be spending more time together, and we were discussing how we were each looking forward to that time. He said he was looking forward to all the things he would learn from me in our time together. I replied that I predicted there would be a lot of mutual learning. He responded that he wasn’t sure what he could teach me. Hmmm…
Story 2: Last night, I watched the movie Instinct about a man who lived among apes and then became a murderer. It is a classic storyline of an old guy teaching a somewhat arrogant, self-assured, young guy stuff about life. The teacher has the reigns of power. He is always in control, in charge and invincible. In the end, they young guy learns lessons about himself that the teacher somehow knew how to pull out of him. It is only at the very end that we learn (almost as an afterthough) that the teacher has also learned from the student. In the movies, the older guys always teach the younger guys things and the younger guys either have (or learn to have) total respect and reverence for their teachers. The teachers always have the upper hand.
When I was a youngster, I learned those rules well. In the heirarchy of relationships, my teachers are above me. They are all-knowing and unquestionable. It is my job to learn what the teacher knows. Period. The teachers have already been through what I have been through, so there is nothing I can teach them. One day, I will be the teacher. Until then, I am the student. I looked forward to the day when I could be the older guy teaching the younger ones about life. Then, I would get the respect that comes from being the sagacious teacher and leader.
I find myself at that point of transition. Although I don’t see myself as an “old guy” yet, I find that there are more younger people in my life than older people. I am beginning to see things from the other perspective. I see that the old guy in the movies is hiding behind the hierarchical relationship. The old guy still has a lot of stuff to work through and learn. In fact, the whole hierarchy thing is bullshit (sorry mom, it was the right word this time). Maybe there is a good purpose behind hierarchies, but they do not promote the honoring of individuals and do not contribute to building strong relationships.
Now that I have “paid my dues” and “earned the right” to be the “sagacious teacher”, rather than enjoying the role, I find myself wanting to destroy the hierarchical nature of the whole shebang. The society that we live in produces and encourages these kinds of hierarchies. Most are unaware of them, but feel a “need” to have them to be able to function. I think they are dishonoring and that we mostly hide behind them.
In areas where I wield the power, I want to use it to empower others. Rather than spouting my own “wisdom” all the time, I want to learn from the perspectives of others. I want to be an encourager and a builder of people… and I want to help normalize those kinds of relationships… relationships that honor and respect others. Not because we have earned it somehow, but because we are breathing the same air. I want to listen to stories and dreams; stories that tell how we got here and dreams of where we want to go.
I keep thinking about the story of the Blind Men and the Elephant. Each person brings a new perspective and each perspective has value. To my friend, I say, “I hope you will learn from me. I hope that some of the things I have learned through the years will help you in your journey. I look forward to sharing my stories and dreams with you. I also look forward to the stories and dreams you will share with me… and what I will learn from you.
January 2, 2010
A New Year, A New Collage
The new year has snuck up on me and it is time for the annual news of the Anderson family. You may not know, but this is the very reason I started this web site. It began in 2000 as a way to use the web to begin to communicate Christmas greetings to our family and friends. It has since morphed into a tradition. A couple of years ago, I mentioned that I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I was informed in no uncertain terms that I had to do it.
As much as I chafe over doing something because I “have to”, I must admit that I do like it… especially creating the collage. The process of going through photos and remembering all that we have done over the last 12 months is cathartic. It is easy for someone like me to forget and begin to think that my life does not matter. Remembering and reflecting becomes more important to me all the time… or maybe it is just my awareness of its importance.
I hope you will take a few moments to read the 2009 Anderson Family News and take a look at the 2009 Collage. You can always view collages and news pages from previous years by clicking the Family News menu on the jimazing.com web site
December 17, 2009
One Year Ago
Just a year ago today my life changed forever when Molly Nicole Ogren entered and made me a grandpa. Now all my relations are referred to by their relationship to Molly; Jeanie is “Gran”, Danae is “Molly’s Mom” etc.
I knew I was going to love being a grandpa, but I didn’t know why. It’s hard to explain, but kinda like this…
- First I grew up. I wasn’t really aware of what was going on because it was the first time I’d ever grown up.
- Next, I had kids of my own and I got to grow up again. While I observed the things they were going through, I remembered similar experiences I had. I wasn’t really trying to live my life through them, but it sorta happened that way when their stuff reminded me of my stuff.
- Now as the grandpa, I get to do it again. Only this time I am not primarily responsible for this one. When I am with her I can just love up on her and study her. I love watching her learn.
The interesting thing is that I change each time I go through this process. I think it is interesting how as parents we tended to worry about how our actions would affect our children. What we missed in the process is how they were changing us. I’m not the same person I was when any of my children were a year old. Molly is already working her magic on me. Giving me a whole new outlook on life.
Last time I was with her was Thanksgiving weekend. Over and over, I went through the routine of placing my hand on my chest and saying, “Pops”. Then I put my hand on her chest and said, “Molly”. After a few times, she put her hand on my chest and a couple of times she actually said, “Pops!” Danae said that she had to mop me up off the floor when I melted.
Here are some recent photos for fans:
http://picasaweb.google.com/s/c/bin/slideshow.swf
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| 2009-11-30 Thanksgiving |
November 11, 2009
Godspell
Please don’t tell my Sunday School teacher, but I watched Godspell, a musical from 1972 based on the life of Jesus from the Gospel of St. Matthew. I was 14ish when it came out in movie form and being Southern Baptists, my peers and I were forbidden to see it. I (being an obedient young fellow) didn’t see it. By the time I was old enough to decide for myself, I had forgotten about it and it was not readily available (VCRs hadn’t even been invented yet). I never saw it until tonight.
I can understand why they didn’t allow us to see it. This modern, artful depiction of Jesus and his followers was way too “out there” for most of the folks in my parents’ generation. In this musical, Jesus is a hippie and is dressed clownishly. The whole “hippie” thing of free love and irresponsibility, chafed against their values for hard work and conformity. To make matters worse, his disciples are both black and white, male and female and the songs are rowdy rock and roll (for the time).
While I understand and even respect the stance of those church leaders (oddly, I don’t remember ever discussing this with my parents), I was not part of their generation and I feel like I missed something good. The movie I watched tonight was quite dated. The video quality and the style of music were typical of the 70’s… but there was something about it that moved me. I think I would have been moved as a teenager too. I saw a creative, artistic expression of the life of Jesus that I think would have inspired me. Clearly, it was never intended to be taken as a literal interpretation of the Bible, but that fact was likely missed by the folks who ran things in my church. Their position was that dancing, joking, references to drinking wine, etc were sacrilegious and disrespectful. To them, acceptable depictions of Christian themes in art would be limited to “normal” church music and art.
I remember some of the songs from the musical like “Day by Day” that came into their own as pop tunes. I could never understand what they found offensive (apart from the association with the musical itself). According to the wisdom of Wikipedia, “Most of the score’s lyrics were from the Episcopal Hymnal, set to music by the cast members.” I think it was a good desire to protect the young people from something, but in retrospect, their control kept me from an experience that would have been enriching to me.
Day by day
Day by day
Oh Dear Lord
Three things I pray
To see thee more clearly
Love thee more dearly
Follow thee more nearly
Day by day
November 7, 2009
A Phone Call from the President
Getting ready to go for my morning run this morning, I picked up the newspaper this morning. It was yesterday’s paper that I hadn’t read yet. I saw the following headline and read just a couple of sentences (quoted here), then I left for my run. I wasn’t thinking about the election or the state of BofA, I was thinking about how cool it must have been to get that call…
Foxx tells Obama Charlotte needs BofA
Posted: Friday, Nov. 06, 2009
Charlotte Mayor-elect Anthony Foxx said he spoke with President Barack Obama on Wednesday about the importance of banking to Charlotte’s economy, and said Thursday he thinks the White House could play a role in whether Bank of America keeps its headquarters in Charlotte.“The federal government has some skin in the game,” said Foxx, who was receiving a congratulatory call from Obama after winning Tuesday’s mayoral election. (read more)
Thinking about how cool it must have been for Mayor-elect Foxx to get that call from President Obama caused me to wonder who else might have gotten such a call. Are there any rules of protocol around who the president calls? Given that it is most likely a personal choice that each president makes, I wonder what criteria he actually uses and how knowing that would that change the way I feel about the call itself. Making some separate assumptions, I want to explore how it would feel as the mayor-elect to receive that call and as a citizen to know that’s what’s going on. The following scenarios are in order from what I think are least likely to most likely…
Hypothetical Scenarios
Assumption: Barak and Foxx are good buddies and Foxx is the only one he called.
As the mayor-elect, I’d feel the warm affirmation of a friend who had been with me through thick and thin.
My personal reaction; I would think that was pretty darned cool that my mayor knows the president that well.
Assumption: The president called winners randomly.
As the mayor-elect, I’d feel like the call was impersonal. Not all that meaningful except for the fact that the caller is the leader of the free world.
My personal reaction; The president must be pretty low in Emotional Intelligence to do such a thing. Since I perceive Mr. Obama to be quite emotionally intelligent, I don’t think this is a likely scenario. I just include it because it is a possibility… however remote.
Assumption: The President called all the winners of every mayoral race in the country.
As the mayor-elect, I think I would feel honored to a small degree, but like one in a million. The call itself wouldn’t be a big deal.
My personal reaction; I would question how the President of the United States has time to call every mayor in the country.
Assumption: The President called all the winners who are Democrats.
As the mayor-elect, I would feel the camaraderie of our shared group identity. I think it would be much like a winning sports team congratulating one another.
My personal reaction; This would irritate me. I would feel that the call was polarizing and that the talk about bi-partisanship and working together is just talk.
Assumption: The president called winners who changed the sitting party from Republican to Democrat
As the mayor-elect, this would feel like the high five congrats I might receive from a teammate after scoring a major point.
My personal reaction, much like the scenario of calling all Democratic winners, this would irritate me. However, for some reason, this one wouldn’t bother me as much as if he called all the Democrats though. I don’t really understand why. It seems more like a congratulatory thing than an us-against-them thing.
Assumption: The first African American President called all the winners who were also African American
As the mayor-elect, I think my feelings would be much like the last scenario, except way stronger because our shared experience would be so much stronger and the group so much smaller and the win so much bigger.
My personal reaction, I could understand this call better than calling all Democrats, but there’s something about it that bothers me. I feel like the office of the president should be above any social groups. The reality is that each of us is a member of certain social groups; some by the choices we make, some by choices of other people and some we were merely born into (skin color being one of those). The social bonds we form in these groups cannot (or should not) be ignored. Those who are in positions of power need to be aware how their affirmations within the social groups can cause isolation and polarization, which I abhor. I want to acknowledge these social groups, not ignore them. At the same time, I also want people to feel value no matter which groups they are in.
Assumption: The president called those whose mayoral races he had a really big stake in.
As the mayor-elect, this would feel like a call from a close partner in a shared dream. Of all the scenarios, I think this is most likely the strategy behind the presidents call… and possibly the most meaningful scenario in which to receive this call.
My personal reaction; I think that the president has a high stake in changing the party of the mayors from Republican to Democrat wherever possible. Charlotte was high on that list this go round. To add to the mix, race was a factor. The Republican nominee was white and the Democrat was black. Foxx is not our first black mayor, but it is significant, nonetheless. I think these were two major reasons that the President would have had a stake in this race.
I’m not moved by political strategies. While I see the need for a two party system and the necessity for each to have strategies for being on top, the polarizing affect bothers me. It isn’t about Democrat or Republican for me, it would work the same either way.
How I feel in reality
I’m excited to see the ceiling crumble for people of color. As a white man who grew up in the south, black people were always “them”. You might have friends who were black, but your friend was always the exception to the rule of “us” and “them”. They weren’t as smart as we were. They were people we called names. Having them in power was unthinkable. I’m so glad to see those walls begin to crumble.
I’m ok with the camaraderie of people of color congratulating one another as they overcome some pretty dang huge obstacles. At the same time, I’m also aware of human nature and the real danger of swinging the us/them situation in the other direction. I hope we can learn to congratulate ourselves without isolating others. I hope we can learn to congratulate groups even when we aren’t a part of the group. I really hope we can truly begin to break down the walls between the us’s and them’s and value everyone.
Oh, and congrats to you, Mr. Foxx. My hope is that your administration will bring positive results to our community.
October 11, 2009
A Quarter Century of Erin
Twenty five years ago today I had an important meeting with the owners of Fox Music House. They were rescuing me from my failed business and hiring me all at the same time. We had a meeting scheduled to sign all the papers that morning. As luck would have it, Jeanie was in labor, but we knew it would be hours before she delivered. We had been through this “birthing thing” twice before, so we were experts.
We called the doctor to tell them she was in labor and I went to my meeting. Afterwards, I picked up Jeanie and we headed to the doctor’s office. They were beside themselves with worry by the time we arrived causing us to wonder if they’d ever done this before <just kidding>…<sort of>. By the time we had gotten to the hospital we found out that Jeanie’s dad, Vic, had canceled the classes he was teaching, come to the hospital, waited and left! Everyone was in a panic except Jeanie, Jim and (soon to be) Erin. Needless to say, Erin was born later.
She was a dissatisfied little girl. She wanted to do what her sisters were doing and was not happy to be younger and less able. Maybe that drive helped her to achieve so much. I remember watching her play with wooden blocks and legos. She would make bridges and it seemed to me that she had an innate understanding of what it took to make them strong. Maybe it’s just because I was her dad, but I was impressed.
When she was about the age she was in the photo above, Erin loved to hang out around me in the morning to watch me shave. I would scoop off a dab of shaving cream and put it on her cheek, which pleased her to no end! She’d run off through the house squealing with delight. I do miss those little slices of life.
She shares my love of astronomy. When she was in high school, she did a project with the head of the Physics dept at the College of Charleston. If I remember correctly, her project was to map the moons of Jupiter. It required the use of my telescope, which is rather cumbersome to move around. Since I was commuting from Charleston to Charlotte to work that year, I wasn’t around during the week to help her set it up. I wanted so much to be around to help her with it, but I taught her how to setup the telescope and she did it all by herself. I guess that’s the part of letting go that’s hard for a dad… but it’s good. She and Justin just returned from a vacation in Hawaii where they got to see the big telescopes. When she told me how cool it was, I was so jealous.
One night when she was 16 years old, she asked me to tuck her into bed and tell her a story. I guess she was feeling nostalgic for when she was little. No matter what the reason, I was happy to relive some of those fun memories of the tucking in ritual. That night, I made up a bedtime story on the spot, just like the old days. The next night she repeated the same request, “tell me a story and tuck me in.” This continued for a week or more until one fateful night. As much as I loved the attention and getting special time with her, I asked if I could just read something since I just didn’t have the energy to make up a story. She agreed.
I looked on her bookshelf and saw The Hobbit. I asked her if she had ever read it. She hadn’t. So we started reading it. We continued every night until we finished it weeks later. At the end of The Hobbit, we continued with the Lord of the Rings. We were almost done with the first of the three books when Peter Jackson announced his epic project to bring the Lord of the Rings to the big screen. Needless to say, we were beside ourselves.
In her senior year of high school, she won an award for playing the part of Gollum in the school theater department’s production of The Hobbit. (The photo is of her with her award beside herself in costume). She looked really creepy. When the Lord of the Rings movies came out, the two of us went in costume! (Hers was way cooler than mine).
Erin has always had a sensitive heart. I can remember once when Erin was a teenager, I was in a bad mood and snapped at Jeanie. Erin said in a matter-of-fact way that what I said was mean. I immediately knew that she had nailed me, but she made it easy for me to acknowledge what I did because she was so respectful in the way she said it. Now that she’s in grad school at Berkeley, she focuses a lot of her energy into getting girls interested in science. She’s passionate about bringing a better representation from the “other half” of the population into the scientific community. I think that is so cool.
Erin, you are so easy to love. I am so very glad that I get to be your dad. Have a very happy birthday. I love you.
P. S. This is a video Erin made recently with her new ukulele from Hawaii. Be sure and watch until the end… it’s special.
October 5, 2009
My Brain Hurts!
I don’t know why I thought I could write about this tonight, but I’m going to try… My brain hurts. I used to work manual labor jobs that didn’t challenge me mentally at all. I would mindlessly go through the motions and dream about using a job that would use my intellect more.
I am living my dream! No, I am not on the list of potential Nobel Laureates (this year), but I am thankful that God gave me a pretty good brain. I get to use my intellect every day at work. In fact, my brain hurts. I do not mean that I have a headache. What I mean is that I am as tired mentally as I used to be physically, when I planted trees for a living. I am thankful for my job, but I just wanted to let you know that my brain hurts. Now everyone collectively say “Awww poor thing.”
September 23, 2009
Crucial Skills
There is so much data on the internet and so little valuable information. Of the email lists that I subscribe to on purpose (not spam), this is the only one that I absolutely positively read every week when it arrives in my inbox. The Crucial Skills newsletter is provided by the folks who also published three excellent books; Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations and Influencer.
One of my coworkers was telling me just this week how much the tools in Crucial Conversations helped her to deal with a difficult colleague. She said that for the first time, she felt confident and empowered in speaking with this person. You could see in her face how much it built her up. After she told me the story, she said, “That’s my long way of saying, Thank you, for sharing that with me.”
Because I want to be a positive influence in my world, that comment really pumped me up. Crucial Conversations in particular has helped me tremendously as well. When the stakes are high and the emotions are hot, it is so hard to think clearly. The tools in this book are vital to having the best relationships possible. I am having conversations today that I only dreamed of in the past. I know how corny that sounds, but it is true. Check out the newsletter and subscribe, if you like it.
August 9, 2009
Confessions of a Texter
Confession
I have a confession to make. I have been talking on the phone and texting while driving. I know I’m probably the only one who does this <tongue planted firmly in cheek>. I keep hearing reports of studies demonstrating that talking on the phone while driving is akin to driving drunk. I understand, but it just doesn’t feel dangerous. In fact, my friends and I do it all the time and we’ve never had an accident… have we?
The truth is that I have caught myself driving dangerously due to inattention. It stops now… before I hurt myself or someone else! I can imagine how I would feel if I hurt or killed a child just because I couldn’t wait to talk on the phone? Imagining that feeling is enough for me. I don’t ever want to experience it in real life.
I pledge to never text or Twitter while driving and I will only talk on the phone while driving if I am out on the open highway and there is no traffic around. It’s just too risky.
How I got here
On our recent trip to Berkeley, I picked up a book called, The Science of Fear (How the Culture of Fear Manipulates Your Brain). In it, I am reading about how irrational fears cause people to behave irrationally. We fret over potentially dangerous things that aren’t very likely to happen. The flip side is that we ignore real dangers because they feel safe. For instance, we lay out in the sun to get that “healthy looking” tan, knowing that the solar radiation is harmful. Even though we know the dangers of cancer, we soothe our fears with statements like, “My friends and I have done this lots of times and we’ve never had any problems.”
Driving while texting and talking is one of those things that we hear the dangers of, but it just doesn’t feel dangerous. So we trust our feelings instead of the facts. In fact, we don’t consciously choose anything, we just do what feels right… and it isn’t a very good choice. How would you feel if you caused an accident because you were driving while talking or texting? Will you join me in stopping before that happens?
Jimazing Thoughts 
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