A few weeks ago, I heard the following thought and it rang true to me. I wrote it down in order to ponder it. The more I think about it, the more important it seems to me.
We judge ourselves by our intentions.
Others judge us by our behaviors.
We cannot see our own behaviors.
Others cannot see our intentions.
To complicate matters even more, the “we” and the “others” changes constantly. At the same time that I am being judged by someone by my behavior, I am judging them by their behavior.
This miscommunication is the source of much fighting, loss of friendships and even wars. Sometimes I wonder how we humans manage to get along as well as we do. Mostly I wonder how we can do better.
I wish so much that I could travel in time back to 1978 and have a talk with a certain young man. There is so much I would tell him about life. I would warn him about some really lousy decisions that he was going to make and encourage him that some of them would actually be good decisions. I would tell him that his thoughts and dreams are important. Mostly I would assure him that his decision to ask that the pretty young lady to be his bride was a super good decision. Yes, today is the 30th anniversary of Jeanie’s and my marriage.
I still remember the surreal feeling of standing at the front of the church while she walked down the aisle. I was thinking to myself, “So this is what it feels like to get married.” That says a lot about me. Most guys, when they are making one of the biggest choices in their life, would be getting cold feet and second guessing themselves. “Is she the one? Did I make the right decision?” Not me. I was thinking about the meaning of life… what this experience feels like. I have been like that ever since… (how she could stand to live with me these last 30 years is a mystery to me)… but I’m sure thankful that she has.
June 3rd 1978 started a new chapter in the book of our lives. It has not always been blue skies and rainbows. We have had our share of tragedies and sorrows, but somehow we seemed to get more than our share of joys and celebrations. Now, 30 years later, we have four beautiful and successful daughters, two handsome sons-in-law and our first grandchild on the way? I feel overwhelmed with grattitude to God for giving me such a wonderful life. George Bailey has nothing on me.
It is now 12:08 AM on the 19th, so I can say with confidence that my 50th birthday was a great day. Thanks to all of you who made it so special… I am a blessed man! Check out this video my friends made for me…
A good friend who lives in Charleston wrote to me on email this morning. He was telling me about his plans for the day and yet admitting how little he knew about how it might turn out. He said, “I don’t know “diddly squat” about what’s going to happen today and I’m OK with that.” He sent the email at 8:18 AM. Unbeknownst to him, a fire was raging just a few miles away that would take the lives of nine fire fighters. According to a spokesman from the U.S. Fire Administration, it was “the worst loss of life for firefighters since 9/11 .” We really don’t know “diddly squat” do we?
My heart goes out to the families, friends and colleagues of those nine men. Nothing I can say makes any sense. They gave their lives to protect others. I don’t fully understand that… Many people do that for me every day… I don’t understand it at all. Low pay. Hazardous conditions. I don’t have to understand to be grateful. I am full of gratitude. I am full of sorrow.
This is yet another reminder of the brevity of life. I don’t know how much time I have left, and I don’t know “diddly squat” about what will happen to me and around me. What I do know is that I want every moment to count.
The birds are gone now, but it was very cool to have them in our door…
April 20, 2007
I wrote in my last post about the Carolina wrens who have made their nest in the wreath on our front door. They are beginning to hatch. I wanted to devote a post just to them.
From the book To be Told by Dan Allender, PhD. (all emphasis is mine). (Thanks for loaning it to me, Curtis.)
Death is Not the Ending
We all believe we can’t die because we simply have too much left to do. We have children to raise and goals to achieve and appointments in our PDA for next week. There is obviously a natural resistance to considering one’s own death, but what i am saying is far more than “I don’t want to face the fact that life will not last.” The harder question by far is, “Does my life really have meaning?”
My son in law, Mark told me recently about a conversation that he had with a buddy who is not a follower of Christ. They were discussing spiritual ideas and his friend posed a hard question. The question isn’t important, but his answer was very important. He answered his friend with these words, “I don’t know.” Mark’s friend was surprised and impressed. He told Mark that he was one of the few (maybe the only) Christians who had ever admitted to him that they didn’t have an answer to a hard question. He felt like Mark was honest and humble. My guess is that he gained quite a few trust points with his friend and rightly so.While I applaud Mark, I ask myself why this is a noteworthy story. Isn’t honesty one of the virtues that Christians hold dear? Rather than just fix it though, I believe we need to examine the roots of this behavior. We could try to merely change our behavior, but I think we would do well to remember what Stephen Covey had to say about our ability to change. He says that if we want to make small changes, we should address our behaviors. If we want to make huge, quantum changes, we should address our paradigms. Paradigms are the way we see the world, the maps we hold in our minds that tell us why people do what they do. Sometimes these maps are just plain wrong. (Read Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to learn more).
A few weeks ago, I heard the following thought and it rang true to me. I wrote it down in order to ponder it. The more I think about it, the more important it seems to me.
I wish so much that I could travel in time back to 1978 and have a talk with a certain young man. There is so much I would tell him about life. I would warn him about some really lousy decisions that he was going to make and encourage him that some of them would actually be good decisions. I would tell him that his thoughts and dreams are important. Mostly I would assure him that his decision to ask that the pretty young lady to be his bride was a super good decision. Yes, today is the 30th anniversary of Jeanie’s and my marriage.
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