A Plum Ending
I’ve got one more thing to say about Plums, then I’ll be quiet (unless I think of something else). I admit that I went a little overboard with the thanks, but I couldn’t help myself. You see, I was really worried where Danae would wait for me for five hours while I drove from Charlotte. I had visions of her at best sitting in an uncomfortable fast food joint and at worst wandering the streets. When I found out that she was in a safe place, I was able to stop worrying and focus my attention on getting there. When she told me that Michael offered to wait with her no matter how long it took me to get there, I was beside myself with grattitude. He treated her kindly and with respect all day long. What a gentleman!
I have told this story many times this week and many have responded with statements like, “You just don’t see things like that anymore.” I do not agree. I believe that there are many decent people doing nice things for no other reason than to be gracious. Most of us miss it most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, Michael is one in a million (and so are the other million). It doesn’t diminish his kindness at all. The actual thing we don’t see much of is thanks. We expect people to treat others with respect. It’s the way things ought to be. When someone is disrespectful, we feel angry and rightly so. But the opposite does not hold true as often. When we are treated courteously and respectfully, we ignore it or dismiss it. We don’t say thank you enough. That’s what’s missing.
I think there are biological roots for why we are not as thankful as we could be. The book, On Intelligence explains from a logical standpoint how the mind works (intelligence). In short, the authors explain each of us is constantly “predicting the future”. We constantly receive sensory information from our eyes and ears and nose… We know what’s going on and we expect things to continue like they always have. Driving down the road in traffic, we expect the cars to stay in their lanes going the right direction, or change lanes slowly and hopefully with a signal. If someone darts out or passes us like a bat out of hell, we are startled because we didn’t predict that. As I write this, the ceiling fan in moving the air about in the room. Until I stopped to think about it I was unaware of the feeling of the air blowing my bald spot. I was also unaware of the sound of a plane flying overhead. My mind was used to these sensations and predicted that they would continue. Here’s the kicker… When the predictions come true, our minds simply throw the information away. It is not needed.
As humans, we can intentionally stop and pay attention to details that we would otherwise miss. A fun exercise in Improv Wisdom is to close your eyes and describe the room you are in in as much detail as possible. Then open your eyes and see what you missed or what you just got wrong. Clearly we can override our automatic intelligence systems sometimes, but we cannot do it all the time. It takes effort.
Back to thankfulness. We miss the gifts that others give us. Carl Sagan said, “In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.” We are all dependent on the work and gifts from others present and past. It would be impossible to be completely present and aware of everything that we could possibly be thankful for at any one time. But it is a wonderfully eye opening experience to stop and thank someone for what they did for us… even if it was their job.
My final act of thankfulness to Plums (until I get a chance to visit them) is a letter to the editor of the Bryan County News (click to read online). Facebook messages are nice, but I’m willing to bet that the owners of Plums didn’t go into business to get nice compliments. They surely did it as a financial investment. My sincere hope is that one day soon, they are able look at their financial statements and say, “On June 19th, when we were nice to Jim Anderson’s daughter, everything changed for the better.”
Thank you.
P.S. I just realized today that the letter to the editor will not remain online forever, so I have captured it here…
Bryan County News (Wednesday, June 23, 2010)
Dear Editor: My daughter’s car broke down at exit 87 on her way to Charlotte, N.C. from Orlando, Fla., on Saturday.I drove the 5 hours from Charlotte to get her and was worried about where she could wait for me. Plums Ice Cream and Sandwich Shop was where she chose to wait. Michael, the manager, was so very helpful and friendly to her. He even let her stay there after closing time until I could get there!
Since we returned home, my friends have been filling their business’ Facebook page with thanks. As satisfying as that has been, none of us live near Richmond Hill.
The Richmond Hill community needs to know what a jewel they have in Michael at Plums. He went above and beyond.
If Michael had been rude or worse, I would have taken the opportunity to blast the restaurant and the people of Richmond Hill. I want to be just as intentional about shining a light on our positive experience. Would you help me go overboard with lavishing thanks on Michael at Plums?
This was my personal blog entry asking my friends to help… http://jimazing.com/blog/2010/06/a-plum-day/
Thank you,
Jim Anderson
Molly in Charlotte
If talk is cheap, listening is expensive. I love to listen to heartfelt stories especially from people I love. There’s one whose heart I love hearing above all and that is my sweetie. Tonight, she needed to vent about some things and she gently let me know was what was coming. Her setup helped me to listen the way she wanted to be heard.
Just a year ago today my life changed forever when Molly Nicole Ogren entered and made me a grandpa. Now all my relations are referred to by their relationship to Molly; Jeanie is “Gran”, Danae is “Molly’s Mom” etc.
Twenty five years ago today I had an important meeting with the owners of Fox Music House. They were rescuing me from my failed business and hiring me all at the same time. We had a meeting scheduled to sign all the papers that morning. As luck would have it, Jeanie was in labor, but we knew it would be hours before she delivered. We had been through this “birthing thing” twice before, so we were experts.
One night when she was 16 years old, she asked me to tuck her into bed and tell her a story. I guess she was feeling nostalgic for when she was little. No matter what the reason, I was happy to relive some of those fun memories of the tucking in ritual. That night, I made up a bedtime story on the spot, just like the old days. The next night she repeated the same request, “tell me a story and tuck me in.” This continued for a week or more until one fateful night. As much as I loved the attention and getting special time with her, I asked if I could just read something since I just didn’t have the energy to make up a story. She agreed.
We’ve been back for almost three weeks and it’s just a little bit late to be posting stuff about our vacation, but we had such a wonderful time, it would be a shame to go without chronicling it. For those of you who follow me on 

Be sure to check out the photo of her sleeping on the plane in the slide show!
It’s kinda fun to hear my kids talk about how they feel so old. Imagine how old I must be if my baby is 28 years old! Danae was the one who first called me Daddy. When I think of her as a little girl, so many little stories pop into my mind. One evening carrying her on my shoulders when she was just about 2 years old, she said, “I see the moon. I find the moon!” It’s one of those things that I remember fondly, but I could never in a million years explain why. If you don’t get it, just roll your eyes and move along.
My role in Danae’s life has grown from being her “daddy” to her friend and coach. I love it when she calls to tell me what’s going on, to ask for my advice or just to vent about something. Now that she’s the mom of my granddaughter (did you think I could write a blog about Danae without mentioning Molly), and such a terrific mom! It just gets better and better.
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