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Two seemingly unrelated stories stirred something deep in me… Warning: movie spoiler ahead.

Story 1: I was talking to a friend this morning.  Incidentally this friend is a few years younger than I.  In the near future, we will be spending more time together, and we were discussing how we were each looking forward to that time.  He said he was looking forward to all the things he would learn from me in our time together. I replied that I predicted there would be a lot of mutual learning.  He responded that he wasn’t sure what he could teach me.  Hmmm…

Story 2: Last night, I watched the movie Instinct about a man who lived among apes and then became a murderer.  It is a classic storyline of an old guy teaching a somewhat arrogant, self-assured, young guy stuff about life.  The teacher has the reigns of power.  He is always in control, in charge and invincible.  In the end, they young guy learns lessons about himself that the teacher somehow knew how to pull out of him.  It is only at the very end that we learn (almost as an afterthough) that the teacher has also learned from the student.  In the movies, the older guys always teach the younger guys things and the younger guys either have (or learn to have) total respect and reverence for their teachers.  The teachers always have the upper hand.

When I was a youngster, I learned those rules well.  In the heirarchy of relationships, my teachers are above me.  They are all-knowing and unquestionable.  It is my job to learn what the teacher knows.  Period.  The teachers have already been through what I have been through, so there is nothing I can teach them. One day, I will be the teacher. Until then, I am the student. I looked forward to the day when I could be the older guy teaching the younger ones about life.  Then, I would get the respect that comes from being the sagacious teacher and leader.

I find myself at that point of transition.  Although I don’t see myself as an “old guy” yet, I find that there are more younger people in my life than older people.  I am beginning to see things from the other perspective.  I see that the old guy in the movies is hiding behind the hierarchical relationship.  The old guy still has a lot of stuff to work through and learn.  In fact, the whole hierarchy thing is bullshit (sorry mom, it was the right word this time).  Maybe there is a good purpose behind hierarchies, but they do not promote the honoring of individuals and do not contribute to building strong relationships.

Now that I have “paid my dues” and “earned the right” to be the “sagacious teacher”, rather than enjoying the role, I find myself wanting to destroy the hierarchical nature of the whole shebang. The society that we live in produces and encourages these kinds of hierarchies.  Most are unaware of them, but feel a “need” to have them to be able to function. I think they are dishonoring and that we mostly hide behind them.

In areas where I wield the power, I want to use it to empower others.  Rather than spouting my own “wisdom” all the time, I want to learn from the perspectives of others.  I want to be an encourager and a builder of people… and I want to help normalize those kinds of relationships… relationships that honor and respect others.  Not because we have earned it somehow, but because we are breathing the same air.  I want to listen to stories and dreams; stories that tell how we got here and dreams of where we want to go.

I keep thinking about the story of the Blind Men and the Elephant. Each person brings a new perspective and each perspective has value. To my friend, I say, “I hope you will learn from me.  I hope that some of the things I have learned through the years will help you in your journey.  I look forward to sharing my stories and dreams with you.  I also look forward to the stories and dreams you will share with me… and what I will learn from you.

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Getting ready to go for my morning run this morning, I picked up the newspaper this morning.  It was yesterday’s paper that I hadn’t read yet.  I saw the following headline and read just a couple of sentences (quoted here), then I left for my run.  I wasn’t thinking about the election or the state of BofA, I was thinking about how cool it must have been to get that call…

Foxx tells Obama Charlotte needs BofA

Posted: Friday, Nov. 06, 2009
Charlotte Mayor-elect Anthony Foxx said he spoke with President Barack Obama on Wednesday about the importance of banking to Charlotte’s economy, and said Thursday he thinks the White House could play a role in whether Bank of America keeps its headquarters in Charlotte.

“The federal government has some skin in the game,” said Foxx, who was receiving a congratulatory call from Obama after winning Tuesday’s mayoral election. (read more)

Thinking about how cool it must have been for Mayor-elect Foxx to get that call from President Obama caused me to wonder who else might have gotten such a call. Are there any rules of protocol around who the president calls?  Given that it is most likely a personal choice that each president makes,  I wonder what criteria he actually uses and how knowing that would that change the way I feel about the call itself.  Making some separate assumptions, I want to explore how it would feel as the mayor-elect to receive that call and as a citizen to know that’s what’s going on.  The following scenarios are in order from what I think are least likely to most likely…

Hypothetical Scenarios

Assumption: Barak and Foxx are good buddies and Foxx is the only one he called.

As the mayor-elect, I’d feel the warm affirmation of a friend who had been with me through thick and thin.

My personal reaction; I would think that was pretty darned cool that my mayor knows the president that well.

Assumption: The president called winners randomly.

As the mayor-elect, I’d feel like the call was impersonal. Not all that meaningful except for the fact that the caller is the leader of the free world.

My personal reaction;  The president must be pretty low in Emotional Intelligence to do such a thing.  Since I perceive Mr. Obama to be quite emotionally intelligent, I don’t think this is a likely scenario.  I just include it because it is a possibility… however remote.

Assumption: The President called all the winners of every mayoral race in the country.

As the mayor-elect, I think I would feel honored to a small degree, but like one in a million.  The call itself wouldn’t be a big deal.

My personal reaction; I would question how the President of the United States has time to call every mayor in the country.

Assumption: The President called all the winners who are Democrats.

As the mayor-elect, I would feel the camaraderie of our shared group identity. I think it would be much like a winning sports team congratulating one another.

My personal reaction; This would irritate me.  I would feel that the call was polarizing and that the talk about bi-partisanship and working together is just talk.

Assumption: The president called winners who changed the sitting party from Republican to Democrat

As the mayor-elect, this would feel like the high five congrats I might receive from a teammate after scoring a major point.

My personal reaction, much like the scenario of calling all Democratic winners, this would irritate me.  However, for some reason, this one wouldn’t bother me as much as if he called all the Democrats though.  I don’t really understand why.  It seems more like a congratulatory thing than an us-against-them thing.

Assumption: The first African American President called all the winners who were also African American

As the mayor-elect, I think my feelings would be much like the last scenario, except way stronger because our shared experience would be so much stronger and the group so much smaller and the win so much bigger.

My personal reaction, I could understand this call better than calling all Democrats, but there’s something about it that bothers me.  I feel like the office of the president should be above any social groups.  The reality is that each of us is a member of certain social groups; some  by the choices we make, some by choices of other people and some we were merely born into (skin color being one of those).  The social bonds we form in these groups cannot (or should not) be ignored.  Those who are in positions of power need to be aware how their affirmations within the social groups can cause isolation and polarization, which I abhor.  I want to acknowledge these social groups, not ignore them.  At the same time, I also want people to feel value no matter which groups they are in.

Assumption: The president called those whose mayoral races he had a really big stake in.

As the mayor-elect, this would feel like a call from a close partner in a shared dream. Of all the scenarios, I think this is most likely the strategy behind the presidents call… and possibly the most meaningful scenario in which to receive this call.

My personal reaction; I think that the president has a high stake in changing the party of the mayors from Republican to Democrat wherever possible.  Charlotte was high on that list this go round.  To add to the mix, race was a factor.  The Republican nominee was white and the Democrat was black.   Foxx is not our first black mayor, but it is significant, nonetheless.  I think these were two major reasons that the President would have had a stake in this race.

I’m not moved by political strategies.  While I see the need for a two party system and the necessity for each to have strategies for being on top, the polarizing affect bothers me.  It isn’t about Democrat or Republican for me, it would work the same either way.

How I feel in reality

I’m excited to see the ceiling crumble for people of color.  As a white man who grew up in the south, black people were always “them”.  You might have friends who were black, but your friend was always the exception to the rule of “us” and “them”.  They weren’t as smart as we were. They were people we called names.  Having them in power was unthinkable.  I’m so glad to see those walls begin to crumble.

I’m ok with the camaraderie of people of color congratulating one another as they overcome some pretty dang huge obstacles.  At the same time, I’m also aware of human nature and the real danger of swinging the us/them situation in the other direction.  I hope we can learn to congratulate ourselves without isolating others.  I hope we can learn to congratulate groups even when we aren’t a part of the group.  I really hope we can truly begin to break down the walls between the us’s and them’s and value everyone.

Oh, and congrats to you, Mr. Foxx.  My hope is that your administration will bring positive results to our community.

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Christ is risen!  He is risen indeed!

May the risen Christ change us in a very real way beginning today. May we truly begin to love people they way he loves us.

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