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I don’t know why I thought I could write about this tonight, but I’m going to try… My brain hurts.  I used to work manual labor jobs that didn’t challenge me mentally at all.  I would mindlessly go through the motions and dream about using a job that would use my intellect more.

I am living my dream!  No, I am not on the list of potential Nobel Laureates (this year), but I am thankful that God gave me a pretty good brain.  I get to use my intellect every day at work.  In fact, my brain hurts.  I do not mean that I have a headache.  What I mean is that I am as tired mentally as I used to be physically, when I planted trees for a living.  I am thankful for my job, but I just wanted to let you know that my brain hurts.  Now everyone collectively say “Awww poor thing.”

observations, personal

Can you believe all the recent celebrity deaths? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and I just got an email from CNN Breaking News stating that pitchman, Billy Mays died today.  Since I’m not much of a TV person and I despise commercials, I honestly have never heard of the guy before today.  I looked him up on Wikipedia, where they had a link to his Twitter page.  I thought it might be interesting.  What does a guy tweet about when he’s nearing the end of his life?

Just had a close call landing in Tampa. The tires blew out upon landing. Stuck in the plane on the runway. You can always count on US Air. – Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:01:09

Getting ready to fly back to Tampa from Philly. Monday is the big day (HIP REPLACEMENT NO.3) Keep you posted. – Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:40:05

Just got done shootong a new product with my production company 4 Blind Mice. – Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:28:57

Just finished up a brand new oxi-clean show in Jersey. On my way to Princeton to meet with Arm and Hammer and then to Philly and then hi … – Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:59:26

Just got done with the Tonight Show.  Had a great time.  The episode airs tonight – Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:21:04

Just got to Conan’s studio.  About to go to the pre-pro meeting. – Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:47:53

Happy Fathers day. Just relaxing with my wife and daughter in Boca. One more show tomorrow and then Conan on Tuesday. – Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:45:59

I am attempting my most dangerous demo to date. I am about to repair a scuba divers puntured air hose and bring him safely back from the … – Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:02:03

Today is the Big Mighty Brand Shoot. Keep you posted. – Fri, 19 Jun 2009 11:36:19

One commercial down two to go. Tomorrow is the big one the brand new Mighty Product and this one will be the Mightiest of them all I gua … – Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:32:20

Was just on the .MJ Morning Show live with my son and brother inlaw Dan promoting Pitchmen – Wed, 17 Jun 2009 20:26:29

On my way to Boca Raton to shoot

. . .

So the guy was clearly living an extraordinary life… a bit strange, but by definition, extraordinary is not ordinary.  I don’t know what exactly I was expecting, but I felt a bit let down.  Couldn’t he have left us with some words of wisdom?  Didn’t he know his time was up?  If this sounds disrespectful, I do not mean it to be.  I think it is interesting how little we talk about the one thing we all have to look forward to.  We don’t know when our time is up, but we all know it will be one day.

I have lots of questions about what the end of life is like in general and what it will specifically be like for me.  When someone dies, I think to myself, “Now they know.”  For me, I will be adding a new question to my list… “What will my Twitter page look like when I’m gone?”

observations, wondering

Fifty one years ago today a beautiful, young and very pregnant woman gave birth to a baby boy.  She and her husband (the boy’s father) loved the boy and cared for him like good parents do.  They gave him food and shelter and love.  They made sure that he was brought up in a Christian home.  Every Sunday they took him to church.  In fact, the boy cannot ever remember just sleeping in on a Sunday.

He grew up big and strong and one day he left and started a life of his own.  Eventually, the boy had children of his own and in the process of caring for his own children, he began to understand some of the difficulties that come with being a parent.  Now that his children are all on their own, the boy has a depth of thankfulness that he could never have experienced  as a youngster.  There’s just no way to explain those kinds of things to a little guy.  He doesn’t have the years of experience.  He only has what experience he has lived.  As much as the parents want him to learn from their experience, there are so very many limitations on that kind of understanding.  The boy learns best from his own experience… the hard way!

Now, the boy is a grandparent and more thankful than ever!  As he looks back from his 51 year old perspective, he wants to say, thank you to his parents.  Thanks for giving him life.  Thanks for taking care of him, loving him and doing your best to shape him into the person God made him to be.  He knows that he has let you down many times.  He remembers hurting you.  He wishes he could redo so many things from the past.  Alas, he understands better than ever how this show only has one performance with no rehearsals.

Despite all his regrets, the boy is happy.  He is glad to be alive and glad to be who he is.  Sure, there are many things he would like to change, but when he is honest, he realizes that there is no one else in the entire world that he would rather be.  I think that’s pretty cool.

affirmation, family, life, memories, observations, personal

Whoops!

I am not sure how it happened, but I published my last post with comments turned off.  I have changed that and they are back on now.

A Quick Case Study

This mistake on my part might make an interesting case study of my last post.  My guess is that some of you saw the “Comments are Closed” notice and determined (based on my behavior of closing comments) that I was not interested in what you had to say.  If you did, you were incorrect.  Despite my behavior of turning off comments, my intentions were to hear from my readers and my desire is to make that as easy as possible.  One of the joys of blogging is receiving feedback.  I like hearing how my words affect you.

The prior post was about the “We see/They see” quote repeated here:

We judge ourselves by our intentions.
Others judge us by our behaviors.
We cannot see our own behaviors.
Others cannot see our intentions.

My intention was to share my thoughts and hear yours.  You saw my “closed comments” behavior.  I was blind to my own behavior until someone pointed it out to me.  Likewise, you could not have seen my intentions until I explained myself.

Communication is Key

I was also stirred by an email from a dear friend who’s expressed desire to begin to look for intentions more in the coming year.  I appreciate that thought and it leads me to ask how one looks for intentions.  I think it is important to note that the first and most important element in communicating behavior and intentions is communication itself.  The problem is not that we don’t try to see our own behavior, we really cannot see it the way others do.  It is not that we don’t try to understand the intentions of others.  We actually cannot know them.  The only way we can possibly know what our own behavior looks like to those around us is to hear it from them, and we can only know their intentions when they communicate them to us.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about being nice.  I’m talking about communicating on a whole new level, something that does not come naturally and will take risk and effort.  It mostly is not modeled for us and it feels weird when we do it (but it is worth it).

Here are two unhealthy ways I could handle a situation with you: Let’s say that you do something that irritates me.  I could determine that you meant to hurt me and react based on that assumption.  I lash out at you verbally and we argue.  In that case, I didn’t understand your intention and you didn’t understand my volatile reaction.  Now let’s roll back the tape and replay it again.  You do something that irritates me.  I give you the benefit of the doubt by assuming that you didn’t mean to hurt me.  I conclude that your actions were unintentionally harmful.  I graciously choose not to respond to what you actually did.  While the first way may lead to unnecessary conflict, the second way can lead to being taken advantage of by the person who had ill intentions, but is never held accountable for his or her actions.

No matter whether one makes a positive or a negative assumption about the intentions of the other, the operative word is “assumption”.  Assumptions are not truth.  I hope I am not taking this verse too far out of context, but it reminds me of the words of Jesus in John 8:32, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” The only way we can learn the true intentions of others is to communicate.

community, life, observations, reflection

A few weeks ago, I heard the following thought and it rang true to me. I wrote it down in order to ponder it.  The more I think about it, the more important it seems to me.

We judge ourselves by our intentions.
Others judge us by our behaviors.
We cannot see our own behaviors.
Others cannot see our intentions.

To complicate matters even more, the “we” and the “others” changes constantly. At the same time that I am being judged by someone by my behavior, I am judging them by their behavior.

This miscommunication is the source of much fighting, loss of friendships and even wars.  Sometimes I wonder how we humans manage to get along as well as we do.  Mostly I wonder how we can do better.

community, life, observations, reflection

   Isabelle Allende opened her talk with an old Jewish saying; “What is truer than truth?”  “Stories,” she answered, and began to tell some stories that stirred up a blog entry…  Listening to her stories, I found myself stirred in a way that she probably didn’t intend, but then again, she doesn’t know my story.  Isn’t that the power of a story?  Each of us hears the same story, but we hear it from our own perspective.  Stories don’t lead us all to the same thoughts or the same behavior.  They have the power to stir fires of passion that already exist.

   Isabelle’s told stories about women throughout the world who are making a difference, or sadly, who cannot make a difference.  The 18 minute video is at the end and I hope you will give her a listen. Her stories fanned the flames of a passion that I didn’t even realize was smouldering in my heart.  She told three stories of women making a difference and women who have no voice whatsoever.  She told stories of women who were (and are) raped and beaten for no reason at all.  Shoking and saddening!  She mentioned Wangari Maathai, whose story I heard on Speaking of Faith a few weeks ago… about how she made a difference in Kenya teaching the village women to plant trees which led to changing the livelihoods and even the very climate of her home.  Inspiring!  But that is not what stirred in me.

   I am the proud father of four wonderful daughters (who are very much grown up despite the implications of  this photo).  Without ever really articulating it to myself or to them, I always wanted my daughters to be strong, independent women.  I wanted them to be able to think for themselves and to have the power to follow their passions. I recognized that they were all beautiful and smart, but they were each so unique.  They have gifts, strengths and abilities that no one else on the face of the planet has.  I knew my life was better because they were in it.  Now that I see who they are and who they are becoming, I realize that the whole world is a better place because they are in it!

   My daughters have a voice!  I want a world where their voice is heard… free of preconceived notions about what women can (or should) do.  I have every confidence that they can overcome these obstacles, but it is unnecessary friction.  The friction limits what they can accomplish with so much energy wasted just making heat.  Let’s make the world a better place for my daughters (and all daughters) to succeed.  We need them more than we know.

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/isabel_allende_tells_tales_of_passion.html

family, observations, personal, stories

I am frustrated because a project I am working on at work is behind schedule.  The causes of the “behind-ness” are many, which is part of the frustration, but not part of my topic.  Maybe it’s an old-guy thing, but I am learning to take the opportunity when I feel strong emotions to observe myself.  It is almost like having an out-of-body experience. I’m going through a circumstance and feel a strong feeling.  I’m still in the circumstance, I still feel the feeling, but at the same time, I am asking myself all kinds of questions about what’s going on.  I understand that my emotions are about what’s inside of me and not so much what’s happening around me or to me.  In an attempt to understand me better, I ask myself what is going on.  What emotion do I feel?  What are the circumstances?  What do I believe or what story do I tell myself that causes me to feel this?

It is not unusual at times to feel overwhelmed with the tasks I have to do and then at other times, I find myself waiting on others with nothing that I have to do.  With only a few tasks to keep up with, I can multitask and juggle the tasks in my memory just fine, but when I have way too many tasks, I need a list to manage things or I start to forget them. This list can be on paper or computer.  It can be many different formats like a checklist or a mindmap.  Anything will work as long as I am not depending on my pea brain to manage the list alone.

The other day, it occured to me that when I have just a few things to do, keeping a list is cumbersome.  Since I don’t really need a list, creating and managing one feels like a waste of time and a little like a crutch.  On the other hand, when I feel paralized with all I have to do, I need a list and I need it now!  It doesn’t matter if it is a crutch, just give it to me so I can start walking.

The thing that just occured to me is that the passing from the state of underwhelmed to overwhelmed is stressful!  When the number of to-do’s passes a threshold from a few to too much, I feel a different kind of stress than just having too much to do.  I need a list and it doesn’t exist, or if it does, it is only as current as the last time I needed a list.  It is like someone reaching for the crutch they need to walk now, only to find that is unassembled.  On the other hand, when the new tasks slow down and I begin to catch up on the list, I fall back into the I-do-not-need-a-list mode.  I still have the list I needed, but I feel like I can get along without it.  It is then that I find myself in a different kind of struggle.  Part of me wants to keep the list current, but that part of me always loses in this phase. It is too much work for something I can do in my head, so it fades from my awareness and gets stale again.

Understanding that the movement from one state to the other is stressful helps me because I can recognize it in the moment.  An uncontrolable feeling becomes a recognizable pattern.  When I first begin to feel overwhelmed, I can recognize the pattern and ask myself what’s going on inside, take a deep breath and then make choices that help me handle that to do list.  Not to say that it is easy, but it is possible.

observations, personal

Facebook
I remember the day I joined Facebook.  In the beginning, FB was for students only.  The only way you could get an account was to have an email address that was in a .edu domain.  On September 26, 2006, I woke up to NPR telling me that that restriction had been lifted effective that day.  So I joined.  Although I didn’t do anything with it for a long time, I just have to try out all the new stuff.

One of the FB features that I find myself getting into are the Status Updates.  This is a one liner that is ostensibly there to tell people what you are doing or how you feel at that moment.  FB gives you a page where you get a running list of the statuses of all of your “FB friends”. It can be quite fun to just read through them and add your comments.  I find it fun and fascinating to “keep up” with details about people I know.

Another unexpected feature for me is the ability to connect with old friends.  I have many FB friends who I knew in Boone back in the early 80′s. Other FB friends are from our time when we were in Charleston.  Watching their statuses tells me about what’s going on in their lives in a way that was never possible before.  Think about it.  Before internet social networking tools like FB, the only way to “catch up” with a friend was to write them, call on the phone or visit.  All of these take a fair amount of effort.  I could never keep up with what hundreds of my friends think is important or what they are feeling at any given time.  I suppose we could use public access TV or a newspaper to publish what is going on in our lives, but that would be weird. My friend, Mark would say the transaction cost is way too high.

Enter FB.  Now by virtue of the ease with which I can post my status and knowing that my friends can see it instantly, I put things up like, “Jim Anderson is sad” or “Jim Anderson is writing a blog about FB statuses”.  In fact these are my latest statuses.  A dear FB friend asks, “why sad, Jim?” I’ll tell you…

The Election
Watching the posts and statuses of my friends as the election approached, I was struck by the polarity of it all.  I have some friends who were nuts about Obama and others who were fearful of Obama.  I may be wrong, but I did not see many posts that were pro McCain… just anti-Obama.  I recently wrote about how I chose to be much more involved in the political process than ever before.  To a political junkie, it was nothing, but compared to years past, I was way more engaged and informed.

Now that the election is over, my overall feeling is sadness.  Some of you will automatically assume I am sad about the outcome of the presidential race.  You would be wrong.  I am sad because of the lack of personal awareness that I see in people and the lack of respect that people show for others who disagree with them.  I am sick because of an “us” and “them” (us&them) mentality.

One of the greatest things about our nation is the freedom that we have to express ourselves and our ability to vote for whomever we want to for whatever reason we want to.  We don’t need to hide our feelings or express them. That is a wonderful privelege.  Although it is one of the most natural behaviors in the human race, I detest the polarization of us and them.  It happens so quickly and easily.  We gather together and find our commonalities over time and others who share that join us.  Before you know it we are an “us”, which automatically means there is a “them”.  Politics is fertile ground for us&them.  I am sure it always was, but I did not realize it as much as I do now.  Add to the politics the us&thems of religion and race as in this election and it’s like freshly composted manure to grow a “healthy” crop of us&themism!

As I sorted out my own feelings about the issues and attempted to process who was the candidate that I aligned best with, I realized it was a study in futility.  Neither of these guys represented my ideals.  Some of the issues I feel strongly about were a complete wash.  It did not matter who I voted for.  As I tend to do, I used the opportunity for self examination.  What was the process showing me about myself?  Here are a few items that I feel very strongly about and which guided my vote for the highest offices (President, Governer and Senate).

• I hate lies and inuendo.  I received so many scary messages about Barak Obama that I was almost ready to totally unsubscribe from email. They did help me come to a decision, although probably not the way that was intended.
• Looking across the landscape of my FB friends, I was reminded that the assumption that Christians vote Republican is alive and well.  From what I have read recently and my own experience with the Emerging Church, I think that more Xians have recently abandoned that paradigm.  News flash! Many committed Xians hold liberal political views and vice-versa.  While politics can certainly be influenced by our faith, it doesn’t alway add up to the same thing in every person.
• Fear is alive and well.  At each of the debates, I saw the candidates on both sides deflecting the questions.  Rather than telling us what they would do if elected, they told us how bad it would be if the other guy got in.  This clinched it for me.  I decided that I would not vote out of fear.

There were a few other factors that guided my decision in a positive way, but I am sleepy and the post is too long already.

Let me close with a paraphrase of the words of Jesus.  When asked what was most important, he replied, “Love God and love your neighbor as yourself”.  My hope and prayer is that we can all move to a place where we respect and value the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of those who disagree with us.  Who knows, it might be the beginning of something big.

observations, personal

Keeping in mind that the purpose of this blog is to communicate first and foremost who I am to my family, both present and future, I want to express some thoughts about the political process.  This post is not about who to vote for (or against) nor is it about any of the particular issues that this particular national election seems to turn on.  These are just my thoughts and observations:

The Game

The political process is not really about solving issues.  It is about getting into office.  Not that I doubt the sincere desire of those who are running for office.  I am sure that they truly care about the economy, the environment, human rights… it is just that right now, they are trying to get into office.  It is understandable.  If they don’t win, they don’t get to put any of their ideas into practice.  The other candidate does.  As a result, they say whatever they think will get them into office knowing that at best they won’t have full control to do what they say anyway due to the checks and balances in our system of government.

Fear

This irritates me to no end.  I hear more arguments against “the other side” from the candidates (and folks who have already decided) than reasons to vote for “us”.  These kinds of statements attempt to persuade out of fear of what will happen if the other guy gets in i.e.  “Obama is a closet Muslim”, “McCain = four more years of the same thing” etc.  They capitalize on our fear of the unknown.

I am afraid of fear.  Fear causes us to react without thinking.  It appeals to our primitive nature, which works very well for escaping danger, but sucks for making political choices.  Fear causes suspicion.  It hinders listening to one another.  Fear polarizes us.

Polarization

As a friend said in my group this morning, we are all in the same boat.  We have different ideas about how to solve real world issues, but we all have a vested interest in making the world a better place.  Broadly speaking there is no right way or wrong way.  The democrats/republicans didn’t create this mess and the democrats/republicans cannot get us out with their policies.  I am not saying that both sides are saying the same thing, nor am I saying that it doesn’t matter.  I am saying that each “side”  has something to bring to the table and if we could just learn to listen to and value the thoughts that each side presents, we would be able to live together more peaceably.

One huge obstacle to listening to one another is an irrational belief that if we hear and acknowlege someone, we are somehow sanctioning their thoughts.  I want shout out loud, that it is a lie.  The most powerful tool we have for coming together as a nation is to listen to people we do not agree with and reflect back to them what they believe so that they feel heard.  That alone can create an atmosphere in which we can present our side of the disagreement… disagreeing agreeably… or as Stephen Covey put it, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”.  This is one of the most powerful tools for communication and collaboration that we have… and we are afraid of it.

Disenfranchisement

This might sound strange coming from a middle aged, middle class white guy, but I feel marginalized by the lack of dialog.  I don’t know of any better system of government, but at the same time, I didn’t have a voice in determining the candidates we are voting for.  At the same time, I cannot imagine how it could be done better.  I almost erased this paragraph because I don’t have a solution.  This feeling of being marginalized or disenfranchised may be completely irrational… but it is what I feel… so it stays.  I hear lots of people saying that they aren’t happy with either choice.  I guess that could be sour grapes, but it could be a feeling that we are stuck with two candidates and neither side represents our individual desires for government very well.

Repeated History

I frequently hear the cliche, “If we don’t learn from history we are doomed to repeat it.”  I think that statement only works in hindsight.  History is too complex to really be repeated a la Ground Hog Day.  In retrospect, we can always see patterns of repeated history that we had we recognized, it would have prevented some repeated historical problem. It’s not the same though.  It never is.

Each of us sees things differently.  If each of us has a voice, we can evaluate things along the way from a much greater perspective.  Remember the Indian tale of the blind men and the elephant.  “It’s like a rope.” “No, it is like a wall.”  “You are both wrong.  It is like a tree trunk.” Most of the time, it is not about right and wrong.  Most of the time, it is truly about perspective.

Fun

Doesn’t Tina Fey make a great Sarah Palin?  I’m kicking myself this morning because I forgot to record SNL last night.  DOH!

World Views

While I think that as a country we need to take the right  actions for the right reasons, I also believe it matters very much what the rest of the world thinks of us.  As Thomas Friedman describes in The World is Flat, we are living in a global economy.  Whether we like it or not, we are no longer an isolated world power that gets to dictate to the rest of the world how things are going to be.  I believe that protectionist measures that are founded on a desire to keep things the way they have always been are dangerous.  We are not repeating history.  The rules are changing and we need to stay in the game.  The stakes are too high for us to shut off from the rest of the world, or worse engage with the world solely through acts of war.  We  must pursue peace… not peace at any cost, but neither peace on our terms alone.  We must negotiate from a position of strength, but one of compassion by choice.

Who am I voting for?  Wouldn’t you like to know!

Update – Do we really learn from history?  Check out the facts below…

observations, personal

I am truly dismayed by the whole political process.  So many people I love are doggedly on one side of the political spectrum or the other.  I am not.  I want to hear the real issues and solutions, but they are buried so deeply that I cannot hear them or trust them and it cuts both ways.  As long as I can remember, my solution has been to avoid politics altogether.  Like the proverbial ostrich with its head in the sand, I have chosen to ignore all the rhetoric and all the news.  Today, I ventured out and read some of the political articles in the newspaper.  Yikes!  There seem to be three varieties of articles:

1. Promises from each side saying that they have the answers that will save this country (or continue to keep it safe).
2. Attacks on the “other side” saying that they are lying or deluded.  Their way won’t work, or their record shows that they don’t mean what they say or… The underlying message is that you’d be stupid to vote for them.
3. Exposure of the untruths in the promises and attacks from previous days whether unfounded promises, out-and-out lies or comments one side has taken out of context against the other side.

Of the three, the last category is the most believable, but not very helpful in reaching a decision.  These “He/she said… but this is what the record shows…” articles merely add to my skepticism. Clearly the goal of each side is to get into the White House.  Whatever it takes seems to be the rule.  I wish I knew better how to project the future of one side’s getting in over the other.

Before I put my head back in the sand, dear readers, please tell me how you cope with the difficulty of getting to the heart of the matter.  Do you have a single issue burning in you that overshadows everything else?  Do you know how grandma would have voted and make sure you don’t stir up her wrath? Do you have friends or family who tell you what to think?  Do you have a way of cutting through the crap to get to the heart of the real issues facing our country and our world today?  I especially hope to hear from those who answer yes to the last question.

observations, questions