Stirred Part 3 – If Only
If only…
When I was a young man, I had all the answers. In fact, I still have most of the answers, but they changed. Now I am not so sure of these new answers. One of the reasons for this lack of surety is because of those very changes. Why should I think that I would stop and settle on “the truth” as I know it now? I’m pretty sure I’ll keep “adding to” and “taking from” as long as I am breathing in and out.
Being the father of four teenage daughters at the same time was a challenge. I envisioned myself as the stoic leader of my family. the one with the answers and the rules. Of course, I expected them to believe the truth as I knew it and to live by the same rules that I was trying to live by. I was mostly unaware of how little they were interested in following those rules. I thought it was a phase and they would eventually come around. Rules are created to prevent pain, which is a good thing until the rules become the point and we stop feeling pain because we don’t feel anything. When the kids were living at home with us, I felt the need to be the example for them to follow. After all, If I broke the rules, how could I possibly expect them to follow the rules?
Now that they are all out on their own, the scales begin to fall from my eyes. I realize now that I do break the rules and no one knew that better than my daughters. In 2004, I went to France to play music with LaClef. The group was mostly people my kids’ ages at the time (late teens early twenties). I kind of became “the dad” on the trip. I remember hearing their stories and on one occasion in particular, several of them were sharing their painful family stories. As I listened to them talk about their parents shouting and how it frightened them, I cried with them. I was angry that anyone could do that to such great kids. Later when I had some time of prayer and reflection, I thought about the pain they felt and related it to my own pain. I remembered how I too shouted where my girls could hear. I remembered one of them coming to me in tears asking if her mom and I were going to get a divorce. It hurts to write that. In that moment I realized that I was not only the recipient of pain, I was also the giver of pain.
It is humbling to realize that finger-pointing works both ways. I want grace for all the dumb things I do. I want to be let off the hook for my mistakes. I think the best place to start is by giving grace. Giving it to others and to myself. Letting others off the hook and me too.
Over the years, I have always thought it was silly when I heard people say, “If only I could go back and do it over with what I know now.” It’s goofy to think you could win the lottery or buy Microsoft (even though it makes for a pretty fun movie). As I step into a new understanding of graceful living, I find myself wishing for the first time every that I could go back and do some things over. I wish I had understood grace better and lived it better rather than so much rule giving and following.
I picked up,
“I’m stirred,” I said to Jeanie recently. Not that that is unusual. I frequently say I am stirred. Why? Because I am frequently stirred.
The thing is, stirring the jar is the only way I know of to un-embed those feelings and beliefs. As uncomfortable as it is, it is valuable. Kind of like removing a splinter. The first time you get a splinter, getting it out with the tweezers hurts like crazy. The second time, just the sight of the tweezers is enough to hurt even worse than it did before. There’s a fear embedded with the memory. The problem is that to leave the splinter is to invite infection. So we feel the fear and let the tweezers do their work anyway. Soon it is all forgotten.
I just watched movie “
Just a year ago today my life changed forever when Molly Nicole Ogren entered and made me a grandpa. Now all my relations are referred to by their relationship to Molly; Jeanie is “Gran”, Danae is “Molly’s Mom” etc.
I don’t know why I thought I could write about this tonight, but I’m going to try… My brain hurts. I used to work
Can you believe all the recent celebrity deaths? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and I just got an email from CNN Breaking News stating that pitchman, Billy Mays died today. Since I’m not much of a TV person and I despise commercials, I honestly have never heard of the guy before today. I looked him up on Wikipedia, where they had a link to his
Fifty one years ago today a beautiful, young and very pregnant woman gave birth to a baby boy. She and her husband (the boy’s father) loved the boy and cared for him like good parents do. They gave him food and shelter and love. They made sure that he was brought up in a Christian home. Every Sunday they took him to church. In fact, the boy cannot ever remember just sleeping in on a Sunday.

No matter whether one makes a positive or a negative assumption about the intentions of the other, the operative word is “assumption”. Assumptions are not truth. I hope I am not taking this verse too far out of context, but it reminds me of the words of Jesus in John 8:32, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” The only way we can learn the true intentions of others is to communicate.
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