The Wall is Down

May 13, 2013 | | Say something
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The wall before

The wall is
down.

The wall was a creation for Kat made by some incredible friends. It was never intended to be permanent. I wrote about the creation of the wall in, The Room Built with Love. It was Sunday, September 16th when a group of guys gave up Sunday relaxation in order to help a friend in need. And just 8 months later it was time to bring friends back over to help take it down.

The reason for the wall was to create a private space downstairs in our house where Kat could live. She had decided it was time to stop chemo treatments, so we knew her time with us was short. We wanted to create the best possible situation for her. One of my friends said last night, “We wanted to create a fortress from which she could fight this dread disease. What we actually built was a space where she could die with dignity.”

We wanted to create a fortress from which she could fight this dread disease. What we actually built was a space where she could die with dignity.

This wall was that and so much more. It was a symbol of the love of friends and family and a reminder of the loss of our precious daughter.

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For me, the painful reminders of loss are not so constant as they were. There are fewer and they are further between. But they sneak up and ambush me when I least expect it:

  • Seeing the Bananagrams game in a store. No one could beat Kat at Bananagrams!
  • The wave of grief in the middle of my shower as my mind drifts back to the long, hot showers that gave Kat some small amount of relief.
  • The joy and sadness curiously cohabiting in me while listening to children’s music with my granddaughter and they play, “Down by the Bay”. Little Katie would laugh as she sang over and over, “Did you ever see a bear, combing his hair, down by the bay?” (video below)…

How can things have gotten so bad that the best gift my little girl could hope for was a wall that gave her a place to die with dignity? She had such hopes and dreams! I had such hopes and dreams for her. Her life was cut way too short.

I just want a Kat hug. I miss her so much!

For those who want to know about Kat’s journey with PNET, these links will help:

Posted in: Kat

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